Letter to Myself

Dear Me,
You need to let go of all this turmoil. You are playing in the wedding of a very nice lady in exactly one week, and you owe it to her to do a good job. This evening was an embarrassment. You are a better player than that. You have the ability to focus, and using all of the bullshit going on in your life as an excuse for why you can't pull your shit together is pathetic. Just let it go. Things have a way of resolving themselves in the end so you can't worry about whats going to happen for now. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and start practicing more. And not just "oh I did 5 measures thats good enough" practicing but actual efficient progressive practicing. Unless you want to experience that crippling feeling of humiliation and disappointment again I suggest you get your ass in gear. Also, you need to quit being so spiteful towards your boss. Yes he is an asshole but he is still a person and he does deserve a little respect. You do have a tendency to gossip and that does need to be kept in check. Yes it's a natural instinct but be mindful of it, and quit getting yourself in trouble for it.  Don't fail me now.
Sincerely,
Your Mature, Responsible Side

Found some new music

I'm really enjoying V.V. Brown. It turns out my current coworkers actually have sophisticated taste in music. Well, some of them do.
How do you deal with a shallow,vindictive, and manipulative boss? I like to think my instincts regarding people are fairly spot on. Sure, I sometimes get the wrong impression, instantly disliking a person then later realizing I was in fact being a total jackass and they are in fact quite likable. But my assessment of my boss was right on target from the start. I instantly disliked him and that has never changed. He has to be the most superficial person I have ever met. It's something in his eyes I think, I can always tell when he's lying through his goddamn teeth, which is most of the time. His body language is telling too. Everything is kept close at bay. There's no genuine warmth, only cold unhappiness. He seems completely incapable of any kind of real empathy. How does that happen in a person? I've bonded with my all my other coworkers over at least one thing but nothing with him. He does not bond. Most of the time he acts like an overgrown child, blaming others for his own problems.
What bothers me is that our guests seem completely unaware of this. I like to think that the reason I have been so successful as a sales person is because I am genuine. I don't bullshit with people. In general, people are able to sense whether you are being genuine with them or not and if you are not, you do not increase the sale, or get one at all. But with him, guests never notice the superficial demeanor, or how calculated all his compliments are. They fucking love him. Is it because he's a man and the majority of our guests are women, and they are more inclined to trust a man's advice, regardless of how superficial a person he may be? Eh, maybe I'm over thinking this.  Yeah, I should probably go to bed.

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

Ah, take my love, take it down
Ah, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down
Oh, the landslide will bring you down


-Stevie Nicks, "Landslide"

I admit, I am terrible at updating.

But seeing as how I have...5 followers, I don't think I'll lose any sleep over that fact. Well! Life has changed since I last posted. I no longer work at the beloved bakery, I am now solely employed by that delightful beauty company and have been promoted and transferred to another location. Apparently, to the surprise of pretty much everyone (myself included), I am actually quite good at sales.  This "new home" (as my new boss keeps reminding me) is in the epicenter known as the Mall of America. The plus side to this is that I have many more options to consider when it comes to dinner. The down side to this is that it's the fucking Mall of America, the sweaty pit of American culture, and I usually have to navigate through piles of screaming children and exhausted parents to get to any of these food options. Also...parking. I can't go on or else I'll get too angry.
Now I know there's a pressing, burning question on your collective mind. "But does she still have crazy stories to share from her wild and often zany life?" Fear not, legion of readers! I will always have stories to keep you entertained.
Actually, the most recent story from this job is actually of an extremely sensitive nature, so I might refrain from posting that. I went from amusing, quirky coworkers to ohmygodIthinkthisstoreisactuallycursedohgodineedtogetoutofhere.
I will say though that for the first time this evening I brought in my dinner instead of buying it from the food court and was rewarded with food poisoning. So, with that piece of information, I'm going to end this entry. I'm literally cleaned out and I need to pass out.