Sunday, September 19, 2010

The countless idiotic things that I have done

Since I'm devoting most of these posts to making fun of people around me (but I do so with love...mostly) I should take some time to point out that I myself am a gigantic dumbass. Yes I laugh at the stupid things going on around me, but I also take the time out of my day to laugh at myself. Or cry, depending on how much I've embarrassed myself. Sometimes it's a combination of both.

Case in point: We like to sit around the community table at Blablabla when it's slow and have conversations on a variety of topics, whether it be "How many times would you have sex in a week if you were married to 50 Cent" or "Is it possible to be a wet nurse and a superhero at the time? And if you were, could you have one uniform for both jobs?" One of these times I happened to fart. Now, normally people sit in silence and hope to God that no one noticed and that the resulting smell won't be too bad to tip other people off that a fart just issued from someone. Not me! Nope.  First I started laughing, then I ran away from the table to escape the inevitable smell which made me laugh even harder. Everyone was confused by my odd behavior at this point, so J asked "Patty, what the hell is going on?" Laughing so hard I could barely breathe, I screeched "I just FARTED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Boom. On the floor. Yeah. Thankfully everyone else thought this was extremely funny too.

Another case in point: It was a slow night and J and I were being stupid. I can't remember the exact conversation, but I do know it was centered around the subject of breasts. This is a frequent topic of conversation between us, and I don't care to analyze the reasons behind this phenomena. Thinking that there still wasn't anyone in the store with us, I shouted "YOU MOTORBOATIN' SON OF A BITCH!!!" Then I turned around. There stood a customer, a nice looking elderly lady looking at our selection of shampoos. Awkward silence. Then..."Hiiiiiiiii....."

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